Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
