I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
