I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
