It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
