So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
