I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
