I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She announced her abortion via fbk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
