No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
