he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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