There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
