my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize