went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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