shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
