Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize