Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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