That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
