Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
