Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
