so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize