dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
