Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
