in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize