he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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