I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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