I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
