Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
