Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
