woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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