Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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