i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had sex on a roof
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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