i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm getting married
To pizza
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize