I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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