matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
