i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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