I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
