why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
