you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
