I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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