oh god the rape fog is back!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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