Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
