I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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