listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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