I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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