I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
