in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
