You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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