Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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