Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
