My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I could fuck to npr.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
