Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
