it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
