Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
