i just google imaged poop.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This house was built for laser tag.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
