Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
