I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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