My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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