if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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