if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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