I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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