I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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