Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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