I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
