I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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