Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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