she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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