My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
