This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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