remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
