I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
