I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
