Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
