remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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