I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize