Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
