You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
