its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
