I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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