TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
