My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
