We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
