people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
