U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Randomize
