I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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