She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize