I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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