We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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