I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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