I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
