Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
