i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
