just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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