My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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