I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
