Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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