Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
