Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think my vagina is haunted
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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