He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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