YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
