My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
