So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
