I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
