I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
