He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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