I will die if light touches me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
