Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
