Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
