I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
