Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
