Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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