Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
