all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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